And it hurts. And part of me wants to go live in the states, where I can drive myself to the grocery store, buy some fresh fruit, converse with the cashier, and return to my personal space without anyone professing their love to me or asking for money.
But maybe the hard things are the best things. I'll look back on all of this and know things I would have never known without this experience.
At the same time, things are getting awesome in my life! I'm finally making friends, and in 35 hours I will be moving into an orphanage full of lovely girls. I'm so thrilled that I will be getting to know them better and spending lots of time with them. My best friends are coming to visit me, see my life, and spend some time with my girls. Then I'll be back in the states for a fabulous wedding and, equally importantly, some rest and processing time for me. I'm so ready for it. And I know that after that, I will be ready for what 2014 has to offer.
Is it a full year of being with the girls and maybe teaching a class at the University at the same time? Is it half a year and then returning to America due to a lack of funds? Is it moving to Zimbabwe and becoming a midwife? Is right now a time to plan or a time to just be? Should I be thinking about these options or just resting in the fact that I have at least a few months of time here, more if I dip into my little bit of savings?
That is something I do not know. But I'm ready to go for it, and to figure it out over time. I'm ready to be joyful in this moment because this moment is the only one I really have, isn't it?
I want to stay, but I'm sure God will be with me wherever I go. That's why I named my blog and my facebook page "Shelby Loves Everywhere." I love Haiti, and I want to stay. But it's not my home. No, neither is America. Nor Zimbabwe.
"I've finally found where I belong.
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence.
I've finally found where I belong.
It's to be with You, to be with You."
~Where I Belong, Cory Asbury
