further in

New Year's Resolution:  Blog once a week!

So, I hate starting every blog with an apology that I never blog.  But I just want to say that I appreciate everyone's prayers and financial support for all the places that God has taken me so far!  And here I am in Amsterdam, and this ministry sure does keep me busy.  But still, I want you all to know what's going on and what God is doing!

I relate well to travelers, to people who aren't exactly sure whether they're coming or going, to people who struggle to answer the question of "where are you from?"  I, myself, hesitate to say whether or I'm from California or Kentucky.  Whether I came to Amsterdam from the states or from Haiti. Whether or not I'm going back to the states when my time here is over.  Actually, I'm happy to go wherever God calls me, and I'm content not knowing that yet!  (But pray for that!)

I think that working in a hostel requires even more faith than working in an orphanage.  I mean, before I could say "I really see how this girl has grown" or "God is doing so much in her life."  And here, most of the people I interact with are here for one or two days.  Sometimes a week, rarely a month.  But everyone leaves.  Of the 30 staff members when I started, only one or two are left.  And new people are always coming.  I feel like I'm usually just planting the smallest seeds and hoping (as with real plants) that something will grow somehow.  But in the end, they always check out, and I'm forced to put it in God's hands and hope that He'll put other people in their lives to show them the way.

And He will, but they may still not listen.  As one of our former cleaners told me "people don't like to think."  And I think it's true about a lot of people.  I think questioning the purpose of our existence is one of the hardest things to do.  Because when you come face to face with the question "Does God exist?" you're also face to face with the question "Is there nothing?  Is it all meaningless?"  To avoid the latter, we avoid the former.  We'd rather live on a surface level and be content with our lives the way we are - whether we find meaning in our jobs, ourselves, our relationships, etc.


Being here, I've had so many conversations about God; I've told my testimony a million times.  I've heard questions I never even thought about before, and sometimes they're not questions I can easily answer.  And those questions force me to look again at those two questions.  But when you go deeper into hard questions like - "Is it all meaningless?  Does God really exist?"

And I know there is a truth.  I mean, we're not talking about a cat in a box that is dead and alive at the same time.  God is this or that or both, but He's not either.  Do you know what I mean?  God is good or he's evil or he doesn't exist or he's sometimes good, sometimes evil, but you can't say He's either.  If I believe in a trustworthy God, and you believe in a manipulative one, there is no peace there.  We can't agree to disagree; one of us is wrong and one of us is right.  And if you think it's an important question, then you have to ask it.

So what I'm trying to say is that if you let yourself live in a constant battle of these questions, you'll find the truth.

That God exists, He's good, and He's passionate in His love for us.

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!”