February 14, 2015

4 assumptions you should make



Windows.  Windows are the best.  You get to see something beautiful (or perhaps something not so beautiful) from the comfort of your own space.  Your chair, your windowsill, your heater or a/c.  A way to see the world outside without being a part of it.

Living in an international community, I'm constantly reminded of my Americanisms.  Like, besides the fact that I miss chicken fingers and big grocery stores, driving and Target; the way that I relate to people is innately American. 

I think some people never leave their exact spot at the window, when it comes to culture.  They like the way they do things, and they don't question it.  Why do you approach people a certain way?  Why do you confront someone or choose not to confront someone?  Because you value honesty or because you value that relationship or because you value politeness or because you've never seen it done another way?  Two people in two different cultures can take a completely different course of action for the same reason, for the same values.  Or for different values, which they've never really considered.  Why should we?  When we live somewhere the culture is generally homogenous, there's no need to.  You can go about life without questioning every little thing you say and do because everyone around is operating with the same basic assumptions. 

For example, I'm a cleaner supervisor in the hostel, and I often (less often now than before) ask my cleaners something like "do you mind mopping in the cafe?" or "do you think you can make the beds in that room?"  Of course, if you're an American, you probably understand the unwritten code that a question from your "boss" isn't really a question at all.  I mean, it's just more polite than saying "Hey you, mop the cafe." It didn't take me too long to realize that this creates some friction.  Like when the cleaner says no and I say "Actually, you have to do it..." And then it becomes a very awkward situation where they feel manipulated, when you were just trying to be sweet.

So why is culture like a window?  Because I can look out my window from one angle my whole life, or I can choose to stand in the corner or stand on a chair to see something new.  I can choose to analyze the angles of the buildings around me and realize that there's so much that I could never see out of my window.  But, in a way, we are trapped by culture.  I can't climb out of the window, and I can't go across the building and look out of a different window.  My window is mine, the one I was born with, and the one I grew up with. 

I can never leave it.  I can travel and get to know people.  I can analyze my own actions and question why I do what I do.  I can lean out the window pretty far before falling out.  But I am American, and I will always be at least a little American, no matter what I learn, even if I travel the whole world. 

But what's the point?  What can we learn from that?  I am who I am and I can't really change so why bother? No!  (Nee! Ne, nein, no, no and no!)  Although we can never fully understand any other culture, or even any other person, we can try a lot harder than we usually do. 

 1. Assume kindness.  No, not everyone is looking out for you, but you should assume that they're not out to get you either.    It's generally true that people are really not trying to be mean or trying to hurt you.  So don't let it hurt you.  E.g. Dutch people can be extremely straight-forward.  Because they value being direct, and they don't see a point in beating around the bush.  So find the connection point.  I, as an American, value efficiency and politeness.  A Dutch person may seem impolite to me, but they're really being super efficient by getting straight to the point.  

 2. Assume unseen motives.  It's so important to be open to the fact that people are operating for motives you don't know.  Don't assume that someone is being selfish or rude or trying to get ahead.  The truth is that mean people are usually hurting people.  And people who annoy you are often insecure people.  The answer is only love.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  (1 Peter 4:8)

3. Assume that a person is worth loving.  Not because it's easy or because you understand them.  But because Jesus died for them and would leave 99 sheep just to look for them.  Don't ever let culture (or even personality differences) get in the way. 

 4. Assume humility.  In the end, you should always serve others, and treat them as if they're all better than you.  Assume that you're not always right.  But you can always love.


And even though you can never escape your own window, I hope you will lean out the window until you feel you're in danger of falling.

 





No comments:

Post a Comment