Lovingtsky

Every day is both fantastic and terrible.  I think it comes from being immersed in these projects.  There isn't any escape.  If I go up on the roof, anyone will come join me.  If I go in my room, someone else is usually there too.  When I'm at school, there are 100 different things I'm participating in every day, but here it's the same issues and the same projects every day.  Trying to help these kids, especially these six at Tree of Life, is my entire life right now.  It's my job and my hobby and what I spend my free time thinking about.  So it's kind of exhausting, really.  These kids are so wonderful.  I love it when they come running to me when we get there.  I just love them so much.  Just being with them is my favorite thing ever.

So today, let me tell you about one of my kids.
His name is Lovingtsky.  He is mostly deaf in one ear, but he is really good at reading lips.  In fact, as we were leaving yesterday, I moved my lips for a couple sentences to him (because I was in the car and he couldn't have heard me) and asked if he understood.  He smiled and nodded.  He definitely talks like a kid who can't hear you very well.  He always makes a point of telling me "I love you" in English.  He was really close with two of the other boys who have gone home to their families, and now he is the ONLY boy left at this home.  He is just so sweet.  I think he is ten years old, maybe 11.  He loves good, long hugs.  He has a chipped front tooth from being abused by his father when he was younger.  He loves to make things for me.  He threaded an envelope for me out of a piece of paper.  He also colored the paper like stationary and wrote me note and drew me a Haitian flag.  How much time did that take?  I'm guessing it was several hours.  For me.  Isn't that the sweetest thing?  He also gave me a folder that he wrote inside things like - "We love you because you come a lot."  They love the consistency, but soon the consistency will be gone.

It's so hard.  If you had told me before I came that I was going to be working with kids who wouldn't have anyone from this organization with them after I leave, I probably wouldn't have gotten into it at all.  I'm already in it now though.  It's hard to think that they won't be getting this when I'm gone - the lessons, the crafts, the love, the attention.  Depending on where they end up, I can't guarantee that they will get enough education, food, water, love, etc.  I mean, I really have no control over what happens to them at all.  I can help suggest options, but the families could disagree or be difficult.  They already ask if they can come home with me, which I hate!  I told them about how I have to go back to the states to finish college, and they said that they will cry when I leave.  Their lives are hard enough, ya know?  I don't want to hurt them at all.  I wish there was someone coming after me to keep those relationships up, but there isn't.  There's nothing I can do about it, unless I move here right now.  Even then, there are some reasons why it wouldn't work out (which I won't elaborate on publicly just yet).

Sara asked me if I feel more certain about where God is calling me yet.  I mean, I don't spend too much time thinking about it because I reassure myself that I have a whole year to figure out what I'll do when I graduate.  Really though, I could see myself living in a children's home.  It's not a big picture kind of job, though.  Children's homes are a huge problem here.  They tear up families.  They cause all sorts of problems for the kids who live there.  So I would also be interested in working with an organization that helps families.  There are kids who are true orphans though, and someone has to take care of them.  I have discovered this summer who I am around kids.  I've always been okay with kids, but I never really thought I was good with them.  Suddenly, something clicked, and I know how to love these kids with my entire heart, and I do.  I still really don't know, but I'm still willing to go anywhere.  I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I'm not necessarily called to do something big picture-y.  That stuff is great, but it's okay if I just love orphans, ya know?  It's enough.

So there.  As always, let me know what you'd like me to write about!

PS The 4th of July was pretty funny.  It was a very normal day here.  We heard something, and we were hoping it was fireworks.  Brad said that it was just thunder, but then we figured out that it really was fireworks, and we couldn't see them over the trees in our backyard.  Oh well!  So instead we just stood on the roof and sang patriotic songs.  Good times!